Speaking in the latest edition of Cosmopolitan, Romford-born Nelson – who joined the band once they shaped after which received the X Think about 2011 – described how filming the music video for observe Candy Melody was the final straw for her.
She mentioned, having hung out off and out of the highlight because of the pandemic, she realised when she did return to work “I instantly grew to become a unique person.”
“The final music video we did (Candy Melody) was the breaking level,” she instructed the journal. “We’d been in lockdown, and it was the primary time I may have a break and be at house round those that I really like. It was the happiest I’d ever felt and I didn’t realise that till I went again to work. I instantly grew to become a unique person.
“I had anxiousness. Every time we now have a music video I put an infinite quantity of strain on myself to try to drop some pounds. I’ve a concern of trying again on the digital camera. If I don’t like what I see, I discover it so arduous to be in entrance of the digital camera and really feel wonderful and carry out.
“I’d been in lockdown, and I’d placed on a little bit of weight however I didn’t care. They usually mentioned, ‘you’ve received a music video in a few weeks’ and I simply panicked. I went on this excessive food regimen, with bloody shakes, and tried to eat as little as attainable. On the day of theCandy Melody video I had a panic assault on set as a result of I didn’t look how I wished to look and I discovered it so arduous to only be comfortable and revel in myself.
“There’s a scene inCandy Melody I’m not in as a result of that’s once I had a panic assault and broke down. I used to be like, ‘I simply need to go house.’
“I used to be sobbing within the dressing room. Somebody actually near me mentioned, ‘This has received to cease. You’ll be able to’t preserve doing this to your self. You’re going to finish up the place you have been earlier than.’”
Nelson candidly continued: “For me that was the head level. I used to be like, ‘I want to begin taking good care of myself now as a result of this isn’t wholesome.’ It wasn’t good for the opposite three to be round somebody who didn’t need to be there. So I took a break.
“For thus lengthy I anxious about different individuals and letting individuals down. The one person I ought to have been making an attempt to make comfortable was myself and I wasn’t doing that. I wanted to do it for my psychological well being.”
She mentioned seeing the “pretty” response was a “shock”.
“After I put up my assertion I turned off my feedback as a result of I used to be sh*tting myself as a result of I assumed, ‘I’m going to get a lot backlash for this.’ My sister rang me and mentioned, ‘I feel you must flip in your feedback. Every thing I’ve seen is absolutely optimistic.
“I turned on my feedback and simply sat in mattress and cried as a result of I used to be overwhelmed with how pretty everybody was being.”
She mentioned: “I really feel like there’s been a couple of individuals who don’t perceive why I left Little Combine however am now within the studio making music. Lots of people mentioned, ‘I assumed you got here out of the band to focus in your psychological well being?’
“I by no means mentioned once I put out my assertion, that I used to be popping out of the band to by no means be within the public eye, carry out once more or do music. I mentioned I used to be popping out of the band as a result of I genuinely couldn’t take care of the strain of being in a girl band.
“For individuals to assume that I might simply cease working fully is loopy as a result of me engaged on my psychological well being goes to the studio, and creating music that I really like. That’s what clears my head and makes me comfortable. It’s good for my psychological well being.”
Nelson added she lastly felt “free” now she had left.
“I didn’t know that I may very well be this comfortable,” the singer mentioned. “I assumed once I was within the group that it was simply regular to really feel that means. And since I’d felt like that for ten years I simply thought, ‘that is life.’ Since I’ve left, I be at liberty”
Learn the total interview within the June difficulty of Cosmopolitan – on sale on Thursday, Might 6.